The X factor (again)

I'm addicted to the X factor, I know I shouldn't be but I just can't help myself. I mean, it really is everything that is wrong with, not just television, but society at large and I should, technically, rip out my eyeballs and eat them rather than watch it, but I just can't bring myself to do that because a.)I'm trying out atkins four years after everyone else and don't want to introduce carbs into my diet, and b.) It would mean I would miss the X factor. Its like T.V heroin and I just cant help myself.
This series is brilliant, and by brilliant I mean shit, but irresistible shit. Dermot O'leary introduces us to the show and I am the only one who has noticed how unbelievably bad he is at presenting: his dull monotone delivery, dead eyed stare at the camera and fat patronising head leave me wishing for Kate Thornton, which can never be a good thing. Dermot has simply become background irritation to Simon's preening and the whole thing might as well be presented by a fridge, quite frankly. This week was one of those pointless big band weeks where everyone pretends to like swing music even though they really don't. No one like swing music; it's shit, and besides, no one on these shows has ever been able to sing it properly. Swing music should be sung by an old misogynist, dripping of whiskey, who will go home after his performance and slap his wife around, not one of Jamie Oliver's sperm that, somehow, has taken on a life of it's own. The Judges take their seats and this week Simon will be playing the part of particularly sleazy David Hasselhoff. The show is kicked off by Laura White who despite looking and sounding like a burly transvestite is told her performance was brilliant and unique. Dannii has said she has a unique style, but thats not true just go to Bangkok there are thousands like her. The whole show is going along swimmingly until Alexandra performs candyman dressed in a sailors outfit. This is hands down the gayest performance in the history of reality T.V and Louie, unsurprisingly, is almost giddy. All of the acts seem to meld in to one as they boringly sing boring songs to judges who look, quite frankly, bored. Thats unfair to Diana, however, who is quite cool and unique and should really win the show at a canter, but will probably be voted off next week in a head to head with fetus boy. The show is unfathomably long these days, and the mixture of boring cabaret acts and stilted banter bring up uncomfortable meories of Children In Need. In part two the 12 finalists(minus Ruth and Daniel) sing hero, why doesn't Simon just call it American Idol and be done with it. On the subject of Ruth, how annoying is Simon's insistence she sing everything in Spanish? It's obvious he only does it because it gives him an erection; I know he's getting on a bit, and it's probably quite a rare occurance, but the poor girl doesn't need that. Anyway, after about three weeks Dermot announces that former Pontins blue coat Scott is on his way, and, despite the fact he was shit, everyone is shocked, Louie even cries, and so does Dannii, but it's hard to tell. It's okay Simon says the standard was high this year, plus he can always go back to Pontins (That might not be true, however, as I've been to Pontins this year and the standard is high there too.)So there we are, the X factor is over for another week, Diana really should win and Simon really need to buy a shirt with a top button. Despite my grievances I will be tuning in next week, just to see how much more like American Idol it can become before Simon Fuller tries to sue them again. O'leary out.