Wednesday 26 November 2008
Sunday 16 November 2008
If I were a girl- I wouldn't write whiney songs about boys!
Beyonce has a new song out. Yay! The bootylicious one has taken time off from gyrating in hotpants to tell us menfolk exactly where we have been going wrong, and just why we shouldnt treat women as sex objects. Give us hell B!
Apparantly, there was a controversy when it turned out the song had been written by every hormonal schoolgirl, who discovered the boy they fancied had been making out with their best friend at the school disco, ever. But, thanks to some strongarming from good old Martin Knoweles (allegedly), that particular hurdle has been passed. The song is o.k and actually quite hummable, it just all seems a bit flat, and this kind of angsty pop rock has been done a lot better by pink, but Beyonce's popularity and the sellable lyrics mean this will be a huge hit and will no doubt be played endlessly at the aforementioned discos that started the whole thing. That's subversion, and you can take that to the bank.
Apparantly, there was a controversy when it turned out the song had been written by every hormonal schoolgirl, who discovered the boy they fancied had been making out with their best friend at the school disco, ever. But, thanks to some strongarming from good old Martin Knoweles (allegedly), that particular hurdle has been passed. The song is o.k and actually quite hummable, it just all seems a bit flat, and this kind of angsty pop rock has been done a lot better by pink, but Beyonce's popularity and the sellable lyrics mean this will be a huge hit and will no doubt be played endlessly at the aforementioned discos that started the whole thing. That's subversion, and you can take that to the bank.
Sunday 2 November 2008
Skinny Genius.
I have spent the past week in the capital of Great Britain, and between riding the tube and spending vastly inflated prices on drinks, discovered, to my horror, that London is absolutely nothing like the Monopoly board. Another cherished childhood institution is exposed as a dirty lie. I was expecting, nay hoping, for a London full of talking dogs, road ships and walking top hats, but there were none. I spent hours trying to find Go! and collect my £200 but, after wandering around for the best part of my weekend, the best I'd been offered was fellatio from an emancipated street whore(I gave him 50p and sent him on his way). Strangely, unlike I had been led to believe, London is not a perfect square, where every street is neatly lined up next to each other in an easily negotiable fashion, but a jumbled mess of tubes, intersects and skinny jeans. It was walking around Camden, with my childhood dreams already in tatters, when I realised: London is infested with skinny jeans- they're everywhere! I honestly don’t know how this current trend of silly emo hair, t-shirts large enough to live in, and painted on jeans has crept it's way into the upper echelons of society, like some form of fashionista chlamydia, but it has. If we should be lambasting Russell Brand for anything, and let's face it we should, it should be for skinny jeans. I am personally more offended by the silly fashion sense of impressionable, unimaginative, teens, trying to craft a unique identity by aping the first person they see on T.V, than the harassment of an old man over his sexually delinquent granddaughter, although, admittedly, this may be more my problem. Take a look at this:
This man is clearly a bellend. Yet he is, inexplicably, everywhere. Why? What has become of society when, in London, I can find thousands of despondant, imaginatively-retarded teens, willing to trade any semblance of their own personality to imitate him, a cynically manufactured XFM/E4 hair monkey, yet not one walking top hat? Unbelievably, it goes even further: Take a look at this shifty character:
He is exactly as annoying and talentless as the above moron, but with the added bonus of a silly voice, sort of like Windows XP compared to regular windows or TWAT 2.0. It's as if T.V and radio bosses sit around a jeans shop in Camden and give every tenth customer their own radio show. It has to stop. It's getting out of hand. Nobody wants another Terry Christian but that's where we're headed. Both of these presenters are famed for their irreverent wit, but, between them, they have managed to make me laugh as much as a cat with aids has(once, if you're asking, but again, this may be more my problem.)I think all T.V and radio presenters should be completely anonymous, then rather than picking people who are trendy or "speak to their audience", we could have presenters who just speak clearly. We could have a whole T.V schedule of anonymous, masked T.V presenters, who speak with wit and candour, but then the whole schedule might begin to resemble an Al-Queada recruitment video. Actually, I haven't thought this through. It doesn't change the fact that Alex Zane is a twat though.
This man is clearly a bellend. Yet he is, inexplicably, everywhere. Why? What has become of society when, in London, I can find thousands of despondant, imaginatively-retarded teens, willing to trade any semblance of their own personality to imitate him, a cynically manufactured XFM/E4 hair monkey, yet not one walking top hat? Unbelievably, it goes even further: Take a look at this shifty character:
He is exactly as annoying and talentless as the above moron, but with the added bonus of a silly voice, sort of like Windows XP compared to regular windows or TWAT 2.0. It's as if T.V and radio bosses sit around a jeans shop in Camden and give every tenth customer their own radio show. It has to stop. It's getting out of hand. Nobody wants another Terry Christian but that's where we're headed. Both of these presenters are famed for their irreverent wit, but, between them, they have managed to make me laugh as much as a cat with aids has(once, if you're asking, but again, this may be more my problem.)I think all T.V and radio presenters should be completely anonymous, then rather than picking people who are trendy or "speak to their audience", we could have presenters who just speak clearly. We could have a whole T.V schedule of anonymous, masked T.V presenters, who speak with wit and candour, but then the whole schedule might begin to resemble an Al-Queada recruitment video. Actually, I haven't thought this through. It doesn't change the fact that Alex Zane is a twat though.
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