The hip-hop-a happening

I've been thinking lately about what sort of content I should have in my blog, as at the moment its merely a hotchpot of drunk ramblings and delirious conspiracy theories. I was thinking there should be some kind of theme or I could use the power of the internet to help right personal injustices, use my corner of cyberspace to, in some small way, help defeat age old prejudices and inequalities. I could use this blog to offer a message of peace and understanding and that, hopefully, others will read it and join in on my quest and realize that we as human beings are a shared consciousness and that the internet is the embodiment of that and, by utilizing its full potential we can grow as a species; cast aside of notions of identity that have caused countless wars and atrocities and move forward into a higher state of being. Then I thought fuck it, I wanna talk about films.

I saw the happening the other day and it is hands down the worst film I have seen in years, it's actually the worst film I've seen since Dreamcatcher(Although that still remains the worst film I have ever seen, it's so monumental in it's shiteness that it should be preserved and held in museums so future generations can compare it to other failures such as the Titanic when thinking about the follys of man) Everything about the film is wrong, it's poorly acted, poorly written and left me feeling quite poorly. The basic plot is that flowers are turning against humans due to our constant growth and economic development and as we are encroaching upon them they are releasing a chemical into the air that makes us kill ourselves. It's a bit like day of the triffids but shit. And stupid. M Night Shymalan's films have got progressively worse, and while I thought he could never, ever top the big steaming pile of cackhandidness that was the village, he has managed it. If he keeps going at his current rate in another three or four years he will create a film of such truly magnificent awfulness, so terribly, unfathomably bad that we as a human race will stop. Then the plants really will take over as Mr Shymalan would have managed to turn everyone who watched it into a vegetable. Which would be fitting as its a twist ending so contrived and stupid, it's worthy of one of his films.

Knocking off a crafty one.

I was asked yesterday why my blog never updated, and it got me thinking. Yes, I am lazy and, yes, I'm not terribly interesting, but that's not it, not it at all. The reason my blog is hardly updated is because of an abusive father; the father abuses us all- time. I'm not aging in a horrifically rapid sense like Robin Williams in Jack, or, indeed, Amy Winehouse in real life, I just simply dont have the time becuase of work. I work 8 hours a day and when I get home I simply can't be arsed, not becuase my job is particularly hard or fulfilling, but because I've wiled away my hours indulging in one natures great pleasures- the solo high five. Knocking one out at work is great! Not least becuase it fills in five or so minutes of your day but becuase you are literally spunking over the man. You feel like a rebel, like your jizz is a white hot blast of defiance right over the hand that feeds. Try it. The other day I even managed to knock out a mind boggling and hand numbing three hand shandies before lunch, causing my boss to enquire whether I was feeling okay- little did he know I was literally spanking away the company doller all over imagined trysts with Cheryl Tweedy( not cole) and Kelly Brook, the spunk nuggett. So there, I suggest trying knocking one out at work, Steve McQueen would do it if he was you. I would go on, but I'm sure you can appreciate it's difficult typing with one hand.