The world has turned and left me here.

The world has changed a lot in the last few weeks. The rank hypocrisy of the parliamentary system in this country has been exposed, the speaker of the house Michael Martin is about to resign, Jordan and Peter Andre have split up. Clearly, we're going to the dogs. The little public trust that was left in parliament, has gone. The fact is removing Michael Martin is an arbitrary step in restoring public confidence in the system- the damage has already been done. The way MP's were able to abuse the system of allowances so blatantly and then the way the body of representatives allowed this – no doubt as they were busy trying to justify a moat on their own expense accounts, means that any goodwill and, ironically, allowances that the public would have made for parliament is now history. So how do they restore public faith in the house of commons? This wont be easy as, like most of the British public, I wasn't interested in the state of their expense accounts until I learned they were abusing them. Instantly, the House of Commons became 1 million percent more interesting. The key to making the public trust someone is to make them interested in it, and once the accounts scandal gets boring again no one will give a shit, so how do we make the house of commons interesting? There is only one answer-Simon Cowell. Simon Cowell is an idiot, he routinely makes bad decisions and talks out of his backside but people are interested in what he has to say and as such his opinions are genuinely regarded as trustworthy. We need to Simon Cowell the shit out of parliament. Replace the speaker with someone partisan and objective – say Jeremy Kyle, and who wouldn't like to have seen the House of Commons this week with Kyle in Gordon Browns face screaming at him to 'be a man',or better yet- replace him with a puppet. Don't tell me you wouldn't find politics much more interesting if the whole thing was presided over by Emo from Seasame Street, because you would. It would be brilliant you could have Stadler and Waldorf sitting on a Balcony making obtuse statements like most of the backbenchers do anyway. And instead of debating issues, the MP's should be made to take Bush tucker trials (Which would be brilliant as we could see them all ingesting testicles, as opposed to speaking them for a change). The MP's should be made to wear garish suits in their parties colours, red for Labour, blue for the Conservatives, erm..pink for the Lib Dems. And finally, we need to incorporate a public vote so the least popular MP that week is voted out of the house like in Big Brother, except instead of Davina McCall, it's Jeremy Paxman waiting for them with a long list of their expenses and a big grin. With public interest back on track, people will start to trust Gordon Brown again because 'He was a good sport when he ate that Kangaroo's anus last week' and David Cameron will get Kudos for sticking his head in a cage full of rats (or sitting with the Tory backbenchers, as it's currently called) And democracy in this country will be either be saved or Susan Boyle will be our next Prime Minister, which, let's be honest, would be an improvement. Thank god for Simon Cowell, eh?